Milk at midnight – Letter no. 6

The other night I woke up around 3am painfully hungry. My stomach felt like it was eating itself. I went downstairs, poured a glass of soy milk, and went back to bed. The scraping feeling subsided, and I fell asleep. By morning, the whole thing felt like a dream.

Nighttime hunger happens only occasionally now. A year ago, though, when my weight was restoring and my metabolism was all over the place, my body woke me up ravenous multiple nights a week. Back then the solution wasn't as easy as a glass of milk and back to bed. I was so afraid to eat or drink anything "extra."

I am so grateful that now when I wake up, I can simply and calmly have a small snack and then sleep easily. 

At the same time, I'm frustrated this still happens, so many months and meal plans and deep breaths later. I'm ready to to move past this. But nighttime hunger is one indication of several that I'm not quite finished recovering yet. And so: a few more meal plans, a few more deep breaths, and maybe a few more months.

I'm longing to be done with this process. I'm so eager for this season to change. I'm so ready to finish this chapter.

But a mentor offered me this: my calling in this season is to persevere. To keep walking, seeking, growing, learning. To endure.

Tonight I'm reflecting on these Scriptures; may they give you comfort and courage for your journey, too.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. | James 1:2-4

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. | Romans 5:3-5

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. | 2 Corinthians 12:9

And my favorite:

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart: I have overcome the world. | John 16:33